The Island Cure for Rainy Day Blues

Your view for the next 8 months.

Well folks, it's here. There is no delaying it and certainly no denying it, life for the next 8 months is going to be wet and cold and we all had better just get used to it. While there are a great many perks to living in the PNW the rain is not among them. It is cute for a week and then it murders your soul with an unending assault of dreariness and seasonal affective disorder. It won't just mold your personality it will mold your house, literally. Like, mold will grow on stuff.

If only that was the worst of it. Jokes aside, Fall/Winter/Spring can be an incredibly depressing time and here in the PNW it is also a long time. I came from Lewiston, an Idaho town of about 30,000 people bathed in almost 300 days of sunshine a year. If I wanted to go do something fun I could count on the weather to party with me. Here you can count on the weather to ruin your party like your drunk uncle did at that wedding last year (C'MON LOU! Get your life in order!). While the turn of seasons and all that comes with it is inevitable, hope is not lost. Today, I will give you some tools to fight the S.A.D.ness. I will guide you through the murky haze and into the light. Take my hand.

First thing you need to learn to survive this nonsense is the ability to make the most of it and that means using the rain to your advantage. An example might be heading out to your favorite hiking spots and enjoying the uncrowded trails. All the weaklings will abandon the trails and spectacular waterfalls (even more spectacular during the rainy season) for the comfort of their homes and bars and that means less Californians on your favorite trails (just kidding, all our California transplants). Forest Park is a good choice because with all the tree cover you can actually stay relatively dry. The softer ground also means better trail running, if you're into that sort of thing.

Remember how I mentioned the weaklings retreating from the hills and trails to the dryness of their homes and bars? Well, you can't hike every day and sometimes a cozy bar is just the thing to chase the blues away. With all the beers and breweries in the area a fun and responsible pub-crawl is an excellent way to burn a rainy day. Old gold beats new blues every time. On that note, have you taken the time to check out one of the areas many living room theatres? It's a theatre but you get to sit somewhere comfortable and drink beer and eat pizza. Win-Win-Win.

Speaking of food, have you had pho yet? No? I don't know what you are waiting for, it's basically chicken soup but for adults. There is a downside, once you have pho you will never eat Campbell's again. It's trash food and you shouldn't let it near your family. Pho is amazing in every way and if you are a big baby you can get it without tripe and tendons but you aren't a baby, are you?

Since you are not a big baby but are, in fact, a sophisticated, cosmopolitan adult you probably love a good book. Powell's City of Books is your next destination. It is a massive, inviting, labyrinthine building chocked full of the greatest thoughts and stories compiled throughout the ages. Once you pick a book this is what you will need: that big fuzzy blanket, a bowl of take-out pho, tea, and hours of uninterrupted solitude. Kick your SO out of the house and disown your noisy children for a few hours and go check out Middle Earth or WWII era Europe (Middle Earth is more fun, TBH).

While a distraction from the gloom helps, nothing can replace the sweet, sweet, cancer-causing rays of our sun and so the last item on the list involves leaving. That's right, running away to central Oregon or Washington. Those people living in the other side of the mountains are hoarding our sunshine and I recommend you take your family over to Smith Rock State Park and get some of it back. Many places in Easter Washington and Oregon get nearly 300 days of sunshine and places like Smith Rock or Brooks Memorial State park are great places to enjoy them.

Other than that I suppose you could always try eating right and exercising regularly but let's not kid ourselves.

Rent - Everything You Need To Know - Everyone's favorite monthly expense is getting a blog entry!

I figured I would write this so I can clarify a few things but first I will go over the basics so we all start on the same page.

Rent is due on the 1st of each month and is late on the 6th, this means that you can pay your rent any time before the 5th without incurring any late fees. When I come into the office on the 6th we enter all checks that were dropped off over night and all the people who haven't paid yet will get late fees. Rent is generally considered to be the most important expense that people have as it secures a place to live so if rent is late I assume none of your bills are paid. If rent is late but I know that you just bought a new motorcycle I will know that you aren't prioritizing very well and you shouldn't be asking for favors. The late fees accrue as follows: $47 for the first day and $2/day every day after that until rent is paid or you are evicted. Yikes.

Rent can be paid online through e-checking or with the use of a card, it can be paid in person with a check or a money order, or it can be deposited through the mail slot. We do not accept cash, barter, livestock, or first born children.

If you pay with a check remember to write your unit # on the check and don't forget to sign it! If you pay with a money order the same rules apply. Another thing to note is that you do NOT sign the back of the check. That is where WE sign.

If you pay by check and it bounces you will be charged an NSF fee ($60). If it keeps happening we will no longer accept personal checks and will only take certified funds like a money order or a cashier's check.

If you pay us for water/sewer/garbage/month2month fee/garage rental/parking spot rental/ etc. you can include that with your rent, you do not need to write a separate check.

If your rent is not in the office on the 6th we will…no, scratch that, we are OBLIGATED to send you a 3day pay or vacate notice. This is a nasty little letter that says if you don't pay us in three days you will be evicted. We are legally obligated to send this and the chances that we will actually evict you is pretty dang slim however, if we do not send this letter we are left with no legal recourse.

If you are going to be late with rent, JUST CALL US AND SET UP A PAYMENT PLAN! We are people and we understand that life is hard. Harder now than it has been in a long time.

Last but not least, some of you only put in maintenance requests when you pay rent like maybe you think that will make us happier to do the work. STOP DOING THIS!!! WE ARE ALWAYS HAPPY TO PERFORM MAINTENANCE. You do not need to bank them all till the first of the month just let us know as soon as something goes wrong. I know a lot of you haven't had that experience with past landlords but we are different. You DO pay rent and you are entitled to live in a nice unit with working everything.

Thanks Bunches

Austin Caylor

All the spoilers you need to know for Avengers: Endgame and Game of Thrones. (not really)

If you haven't seen the movies this is the best place to save some money on movie tickets,

ENDGAME

1.) As many of you guessed, Thanos was actually Grimace from the old McDonald's ads. Apparently Disney and McD's had an old agreement to make him into a movie character. The real reason he is acting like such a jerk is because he is jealous of Ronald's Fame.

2.) Tony Stark was able to sweep up all the dust from the fallen heroes and put them in a big science bucket along with some stem cells and a 9v battery. In doing so he created Captain Marvel! Wow!

spider-pan

3.) Thanos reveals that his face looks like that because he fell on a rake when he was a boy. He is very sensitive about it and if you mention it, he might snap. Also, the reason that he is purple and not green (like Gamora) is because he takes colloidal silver treatments which dyed his skin.

Don’t do this to yourself.

4.) Luke Skywalker is resurrected just in time to teach Hawkeye something useful.

5.) The people who made the film did not put an end credit scene in the movie because the run time is already so long and they wanted to get people out of the theater. Doing this allowed them to start the next movie as soon as the credits started. That’s why it made so much at the box office - More screenings!

This isn’t happening, don’t even wait around.

6.) At the very end of the film they revealed that the whole thing was a fever dream being had by an insane man played by John Favreau and there is really no such thing as super heroes.

blaaaaargh!

Game of Thrones

1.) It turns out Bran isn't special at all, he just wanted attention so he made all that stuff up, He didn't even need a wheel chair! What a faker.

Bran is the 3-eyed raven but can he see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

2.) Daenerys gets evicted from Westeros for refusing to obey leash laws.

We know you have a leash, why don’t you use it!?

3.) Sir Jorah decides he doesn't want anything more to do with this throne nonsense so he puts down his sword to follow his dream of designing bicycles! Good for you, Jorah!

look out behind you, buddy!

4.) During a giant battle scene the Iron throne gets stolen and melted down and everybody just agrees to let it go and work together on a community garden.

Now we know who stole it, that puckish rogue, Tony Stark!

5.) While everyone is planting vegetable in the new garden the Night King kills everyone and the show just ends. Also the dragons are rabid and have to be put down.

Felt cute, might kill everyone later, IDK.

6.) It has been leaked that the final 4 episodes will just be George R. R. Martin jumping on a trampoline while eating Ben and Jerry's.

leaked image of the final episodes

That’s it folks, I just saved you a bunch of time and money. You are welcome.

Spring Planting

Spring vegetable Gardening tips

If you have been in the PNW for more than 20 minutes you know it rains. A lot. The upside of this is the fact that things grow pretty well out here. Sure things would grow better if the sun would come out for more than 4 minutes at a time but let’s try to stay positive, this is only the first paragraph. Normally, the things that grow out here aren’t very tasty but with a little know-how you could be growing some fresh veggies that also don’t taste particularly good but they ARE good for you. So you got that going for you, which is nice.

Thank god for ranch dressing.

Not everything is going to take off like you might hope but there are some really great planting choices that should put some food on the table. Given the right conditions a person could really score some quality roughage. So whaddya say, want to grow some veggies?

First let’s talk soil. The soil around here can be provide some challenges as a lot of it is sand or clay. What you want is loam (whatever that is). There are things one can do to treat the soil such as digging in lime or adding compost or manure. I prefer to just give all that noise a pass and build some raised garden beds with purchased soil.

Raised beds are a great way to garden and with an small investment in a bed this size you can grow food for years to come while helping to save your family some of your hard earned money. 0:32 Where do you place your raised bed.

This is a best option if you have clay soil. The second best way to garden in clay is to turn it into pottery, fill the pottery with dirt and grow plants in that. We’ll save that for a different blog (we won’t).

Next thing we should cover is what to plant. Everybody loves to grow tomatoes but the harsh truth is that tomatoes don’t grow all that well out here. Tomatoes, beans, summer squash, peppers, eggplants, and tomatillos need warmth and something called sunlight (which is rare in these parts) to germinate, produce fruit, and mature. In cold, damp soil, seeds rot. During wet weather, bees are less likely to be active, further reducing your chances of success. That doesn’t mean you CAN’T grow tomatoes, they just take a little extra care to provide a yield worth the effort. The first plants you should consider planting in the spring include peas, lettuce, broccoli, kale, and collards. Plant these crops in late March and again in July for a fall crop. In April, plant the root vegetables, including radishes, carrots, turnips, parsnips, and beets. You like beets, right?

 A great resource for more information is the WSU website for gardening at http://gardening.wsu.edu/. Take some time to review the info they have when deciding what and where you will plant. The site will also have info on a number of other related subjects such as greenhouses, local wildlife, and ornamental plants. Remember, every vegetable you grow is one you don’t have to buy so you can feel a lot better about letting it go bad in your vegetable crisper.

Happy Gardening!

Austin J. M. Caylor

Island Props MLK Day blog featuring a guest author!

I Have A Dream

by Dr. Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.

August 28th, 1963

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free; one hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination; one hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity; one hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself in exile in his own land.

So we’ve come here today to dramatize a shameful condition. In a sense we’ve come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was the promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note in so far as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.” But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so we have come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy; now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice; now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood; now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children. It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content, will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the worn threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protests to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy, which has engulfed the Negro community, must not lead us to a distrust of all white people. For many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone. And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back.

There are those who are asking the devotees of Civil Rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality; we can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities; we cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one; we can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating “For Whites Only”; we cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro in Mississippi cannot vote, and the Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No! no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until “justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations.  Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi. Go back to Alabama. Go back to South Carolina. Go back to Georgia. Go back to Louisiana. Go back to the slums and ghettos of our Northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.  Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I HAVE A DREAM TODAY!

I have a dream that one day down in Alabama — with its vicious racists, with its Governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification — one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I HAVE A DREAM TODAY!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low. The rough places will be plain and the crooked places will be made straight, “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.”

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.  With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brother-hood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.  And this will be the day. This will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning, “My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father died, land of the pilgrim’s pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring.” And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire; let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York; let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania; let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado; let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California. But not only that. Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia; let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee; let freedom ring from every hill and mole hill of Mississippi. “From every mountainside, let freedom ring.”

And when this happens, and when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: “Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.”

A New Year's Poem for Inconsiderate People

Don’t Light Fireworks or I Will Evict you

A poem by Austin Caylor

Don't light fireworks on Jan 1st

I do not wish to hear them burst

Don’t light them the day before

Or I will knock upon your door.

I do not like your fireworks

Fireworks are lit by jerks

Some of us have PTSD

On the floor the dog will pee

The City has enforced a ban

So do not blow off your right hand

I will fine you 40 bucks

And losing money really sucks

Save your money this New Year's

And help me quiet all my fears

If you don't want to breach your lease

Then I ask you pretty please,

Do not light them this new years

Because that really grinds my gears.

fin

How to Beat the Cold/Flu Season

Hello all [7] of my faithful followers, it's that time of year again when everybody gets sick and brings it to work. It's also that time of the week when I need to have a blog done before I leave at 3:30 so I may have to phone this in. Is anybody even reading this? If you read these, call the office, ask for Austin and tell me you read the blog. I'll buy you a Frosty at Wendy's, chocolate only, I do not recognize vanilla as a real Frosty. (Only 1 winner. I'm not made of frosty's, people.)

You, my adoring fans, waiting in rapt attention for my next blog.

How to Avoid Giving the Cold/Flu

The best way to avoid getting other people sick is to NEVER leave your house. You may think this a bit extreme but I assure you it is worth it. How can you pass on the sickness if you don't mingle with the rest of us? You can't so stay home.

Another great way to avoid the spreading your nasty disease is to only be friends with animals. Think about it, have you ever given your pets a cold, nope. Go find your cat and cough in his face. He doesn't mind at all!

My final suggestion for avoiding distributing the cold/flu is investing in a quality Hazmat suit. People may laugh but who really gets the last laugh? You do, through a bio filter so it sounds like Darth Vadar laughing and that is AWESOME!

Who says you can’t relax while wearing a bright yellow hazmat suit? No one? Oh.

How to get rid of the cold/flu

Contrary to popular belief, laughter is NOT the best medicine. The best medicine is time and Netflix and that fuzzy blanket and tea and spicy pho. We covered pho last week and you need to get with the program if you still haven't tried it.

Another option is to take an Airborne. They won't help but you will feel like you are doing something and that is always nice.

Never missed a day, huh grandpa? I wonder why.

HAVE A HAPPY AND COMPLIANT HOLIDAY SEASON, By Santa Claus

Hello my happy elves,

it's me, Father Christmas, Austin has asked me to guest author this week's blog. I guess he felt like you would be more likely to follow the rules with the threat of a stocking full of coal behind it. Anyways, I am getting pretty busy right now so I am going to have to make this quick. Normally I wouldn't do this at all but Austin was sooo good this year I couldn't turn him down so let's do this.

                                                                                                                                                                -SC

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Once again the holidays are upon us and once again I feel it is important to remind everyone what is expected of you this holiday season. We want everyone to have an enjoyable, safe, and peaceful time and I certainly want to bring you gifts so listen up!

First off, NO CANDLES OR OPEN FLAMES!

I read your lease agreement and it clearly states that candles and open flames are strictly prohibited. This is because having your apartment building burn down is a real inconvenience, especially if people die. If you burn your neighbors up I am NOT bringing you any presents. Let it be known, play with fire, get coals.

Holiday Decorations

Don’t be like this guy or I will give you a subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club.

Holiday decorations are cute and fun. That being said, if they are loud or hazardous, or if their placement damages the property, then they are not allowed. Same goes for if they block a walkway or if you do not take them town in time. Santa does not approve of leaving your decorations up.

Guest Parking

You mother-in-law is terrible at parking.

I am sure some of you are leaving for the holidays and some of you are having people come visit. If you are having people visit, you should know that those empty parking spots are not for them. They need to park in the visitors spot or on the street. Austin told me that if he has to come to your parking lot over the holidays because someone is parked poorly than he will definitely have that vehicle towed. Apparently he's a little grumpy about that, I dunno, I park on the roof.

Tree Disposal

NO!

LISTEN UP! DO NOT PUT YOUR XMAS TREES IN THE DUMPSTER. Do not hide them BEHIND the dumpster. Do not throw them over the fence into your neighbor's yard. All of these things happened last year and I saw it all because I am Santa Claus. Contact the Boy Scouts and participate in their annual donation-driven tree collection. Alternatively, the very good boys that make up the maintenance team will pick them up on a specific day (TBD). Have them in the right place for pick-up or the trees become your responsibility.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

If you find yourself with a little extra, why not help out those that have nothing.

Have a nice holiday season and give from the heart. People out here are having a real hard time and the economy is less than great. Be patient, generous, loving, and compassionate. Always remember the golden rule and ALWAYS remember that I prefer scotch and cigars to cookies and milk. Thanks kiddos!

                -Santa Claus

                  CEO, CFO, COO, HOHOHO, North Pole Enterprises

                  North Pole, Earth.