Hello my happy elves,
it's me, Father Christmas, Austin has asked me to guest author this week's blog. I guess he felt like you would be more likely to follow the rules with the threat of a stocking full of coal behind it. Anyways, I am getting pretty busy right now so I am going to have to make this quick. Normally I wouldn't do this at all but Austin was sooo good this year I couldn't turn him down so let's do this.
-SC
HAPPY HOLIDAYS
Once again the holidays are upon us and once again I feel it is important to remind everyone what is expected of you this holiday season. We want everyone to have an enjoyable, safe, and peaceful time and I certainly want to bring you gifts so listen up!
First off, NO CANDLES OR OPEN FLAMES!
I read your lease agreement and it clearly states that candles and open flames are strictly prohibited. This is because having your apartment building burn down is a real inconvenience, especially if people die. If you burn your neighbors up I am NOT bringing you any presents. Let it be known, play with fire, get coals.
Holiday Decorations
Don’t be like this guy or I will give you a subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club.
Holiday decorations are cute and fun. That being said, if they are loud or hazardous, or if their placement damages the property, then they are not allowed. Same goes for if they block a walkway or if you do not take them town in time. Santa does not approve of leaving your decorations up.
Guest Parking
You mother-in-law is terrible at parking.
I am sure some of you are leaving for the holidays and some of you are having people come visit. If you are having people visit, you should know that those empty parking spots are not for them. They need to park in the visitors spot or on the street. Austin told me that if he has to come to your parking lot over the holidays because someone is parked poorly than he will definitely have that vehicle towed. Apparently he's a little grumpy about that, I dunno, I park on the roof.
Tree Disposal
NO!
LISTEN UP! DO NOT PUT YOUR XMAS TREES IN THE DUMPSTER. Do not hide them BEHIND the dumpster. Do not throw them over the fence into your neighbor's yard. All of these things happened last year and I saw it all because I am Santa Claus. Contact the Boy Scouts and participate in their annual donation-driven tree collection. Alternatively, the very good boys that make up the maintenance team will pick them up on a specific day (TBD). Have them in the right place for pick-up or the trees become your responsibility.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST
If you find yourself with a little extra, why not help out those that have nothing.
Have a nice holiday season and give from the heart. People out here are having a real hard time and the economy is less than great. Be patient, generous, loving, and compassionate. Always remember the golden rule and ALWAYS remember that I prefer scotch and cigars to cookies and milk. Thanks kiddos!
-Santa Claus
CEO, CFO, COO, HOHOHO, North Pole Enterprises
North Pole, Earth.