I recently went to the zoo with a friend of mine and I thought it was pretty swell so I want to immortalize my trip in blog form. Before you even get started I know exactly how old I am and I don’t care what you think, the zoo is dope. Sure they don't let you ride the elephants or feed the fish or fight the animals but I think it's time we all acknowledge that those days are behind us. Zoos are institutions of learning, inspiration and conservation not some Coney Island sideshow where you toss naked mole rats to the birds of prey for a shiny nickel. Let's all act our age and go to the zoo. If your age is over 21, sneak in some booze like I did!
MEGA CHONK BOI!
This started as a birthday gift for a friend which he redeemed last weekend, one free trip to the zoo. I grabbed a backpack, a bottle of vodka, two water bottles, and a couple Pepsis. After I had cleaned all the Wendy's wrappers out of the front passenger seat of my ford focus we set off for Beaverton. The drive was nice and we made record time. The time we saved was spent getting ready in the parking lot (shots). We head to the gates and I dish out $35 (pretty pricey considering half the enclosures where closed) for 2 adults and we make our way in.
MEGA LONG BOI
First stop, the Great Northwest! It has some mountain sheep they kidnapped out of Olympic Park (apparently they were introduced there by some doofus in the 20's) and it also had some groundhogs, or whistle pigs as we called them in Idaho. The bear was hibernating but I could see his fuzzy butt and that was just fine. There was also a cougar there but she was with her teenage kids and I didn't want to bother her.
MEGA LOUNGE BOIS
Moving from there we went to see the elephants (fuzzy and adorable), the chimpanzees (fuzzy and adorable) and the penguins (smelly and adorable). Many of the enclosures were being worked on so there wasn’t much to see except heavy machinery but I still got to kick it with an ape bro. I enjoyed to way the tiger wouldn't stop staring at me from his enclosure that looked easy to escape from.
MEGA MURDER MITTENS MAN
By this time we are getting buzzed up and I wanted a cigarette pretty bad so we picked up the pace and headed to the insect zoo! Once in the insect zoo I noticed that one of the stick insects had escaped so I alerted the zoo staff and they came running over with tranquilizer rifles and big nets. Once the tranquilizers wore off and they let me go from the nets we made our way to exit. We were all ready to leave when I noticed the fried elephant ears. 12 dollars later I had 2 ears only to find out that they were NOT made out of elephant, still delicious though.
I complain a lot about the prices but in actuality I was very happy to pay it. The expansions in the zoo look impressive and the work they do is very important. Not only is it worth supporting but I had a great day with a good buddy. 10/10 would recommend.